TrusT - Half Alive

scripture and prayer reflection

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Lyrics

Trust is like a pond of murky water

Too dark to see, mysteriously undercover

I can't jump off the high dive even though I really want to

My toes are hanging off the ledge

Trust is a tree that towers fifty feet above us

Grown over time through many seasons

Believing in something more than just the surface

I trust that this is worth it

But my toes are hanging off the ledge

Lord, help me, there's a thorn in my side

I feel the tension in the fear and truth

I carry life in between the divide

But all the wrestling has left me bruised

How sweet, the taste of certainty

The gift you gave is safe with me

Hold to this, significance

And lean into the process

Rest and know, the love you hold

Won't be taken back, no

How sweet, the taste of certainty

The gift you gave is safe with me

Trust is like the middle of the ocean

Can't see the bottom but I'm floating here, supported

I know that it can take me even deeper if I let it

But my limbs are trying to swim away

It's like a tree that towers fifty feet above us

Grown over time through many seasons

Believing in something more than just the surface

I trust that this is worth it

But my toes are hanging off the ledge

Hold to this, significance

And lean into the process

Rest and know, the love you hold

It won't be taken back, no

How sweet, the taste of certainty

Releasing hope to carry me

How sweet, the taste, never let it go, no

I see the walls that are torn and bent

The tug of war in the now, not yet

Holding back what they can't contain

Can you tell me why I feel this way

I have faith that the world I'm in

Will be redeemed to its place again

But there's a weight that I can't explain

So tell me why I feel this way

Tell me why I feel this way

How sweet, the taste of certainty

Releasing hope to carry me

2 Corinthians 12:7b-9

7b A thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Romans 8:18-25

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

John 10:14-15, 27-30

14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.

27 “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. 30 I and the Father are one.”

Reflection

Trust is an idea that, on the surface, seems like it should be fairly simple. The way we talk about it, it usually sounds like a one-time choice -- like we flip the switch and everything is good. However, trust is often far more complicated than that.

Trust is more like a muscle than a light switch. Just as muscles tire out quickly if they haven’t been built up over time, trust that has never been tested or exercised can quickly wear thin when life brings difficult circumstances.

There were moments when the Israelites trusted God, usually following some obvious demonstration of His power, like when He parted the Red Sea (Ex 14:31). The disciples also had moments of clarity in which they trusted Jesus, such as when Peter confesses that Jesus is the Son of God (Matt 16:15).

However, in each case, these high points of faith and trust are followed by dismal failures. The Israelites don’t trust God to fight for them against the inhabitants of the promised land, and they rebel (Num 14:1-4). Immediately following his confession of Jesus as Christ, Peter rebukes Jesus for predicting His own death because, in Peter’s mind, such a thing should be impossible (Matt 16:22). The Israelites turned from what God had set before them because their fear drowned out their trust. Peter rebukes Jesus because Jesus wasn’t living up to Peter’s ideas of what He should be. Fear and desire for control are two very powerful agents working against our trust in the Lord.

Because life is sometimes painful -- excruciating, even. The songwriter wrestles with the tension between knowing that all things will be redeemed, and the heaviness of being in the “now, not yet” that is life as we wait for Christ to return - the groaning of all creation waiting for redemption. The explosion of percussive force after the quiet question, “so tell me why I feel this way” mirrors the waves of fear and emotion that so strongly push against our trust in God. We can know in our heads that God is trustworthy, and still have difficulty leaning into that trust in the midst of fear or pain.

Yet the singer returns again to the “sweet taste” of the certainty that God’s love and grace will never be taken from him. That is what anchors him in the midst of the waves of fear, what gives him hope when he is not in control. God is trustworthy, even when we have difficulty trusting. He is strong when we are weak.

Take time to think back on your journey with God. When were the moments when you needed to trust Him most? How has He brought you through dark seasons? What might God want you to trust Him in now? Spend some time reflecting on Jesus’ words in John 10 -- that no one can take you away from Him, that you are secure in His hand. Talk with Him about what comes up.