scripture and prayer reflection
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Lyrics
I have lost my appetite
And a flood is welling up behind my eyes
So I eat the tears I cry
And if that were not enough
They know just the words to cut and tear and prod
When they ask me "Where's your God?"
Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
I can remember when you showed your face to me
As a deer pants for water, so my soul thirsts for you
And when I behold Your glory, You so faithfully renew
Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh
I am satisfied in You
When I'm staring at the ground
It's an inbred feedback loop that brings me down
So it's time to lift my brow
And remember better days
When I loved to worship you in all your ways
With the sweetest songs of praise
Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
I can remember when You showed Your grace to me
As a deer pants for water, so my soul thirsts for you
And when I survey Your splendor, You so faithfully renew
Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh
I am satisfied in You
Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about Your faithfulness
Let my pain reveal Your glory as my only real rest
Let my losses show me all I truly have is You
Cause all I truly have is You
So when I'm drowning out at sea
And all your breakers and your waves crash down on me
I'll recall your safety scheme
You're the one who made the waves
And your Son went out to suffer in my place
And to tell me that I'm safe
So why am I down?
Why so disturbed?
I am satisfied in you
Psalm 42:1-11
1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
6 My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Reflection
How do we respond when we feel disappointed, grieved, or worn out with hoping for something that does not seem to come? There are many different responses that we might have as our default go-to.
It can be tempting to deny that we are bothered, operating under the assumption that if we don’t think about it, it can’t hurt us. This leads us to ignore or run from our experience, rather than being able to work through it to get to the other side. Our emotions stay buried, continuing to subtly shape our choices, often without our being aware that they are doing so.
Alternately, it can be tempting to dwell or wallow in despair, letting the feelings of the moment overwhelm us. We can feel swept out to sea by the force of our feelings, tossed around in the waves. The things we know about God and His character and heart for us may get lost in the storm of emotions, and leaving us without an anchor to which to hold. Rather than working through our feelings to get to the other side, it feels easier to set up camp and live in the hurt, anger, sadness, grief, _______________.
The harder response to disappointment or grief is to honestly own our feelings — and allow ourselves to feel them — without letting them dictate the totality of our reality. Psalm 42 is a helpful model of this harder but better response, as the psalmist wrestles with his unfulfilled desires and his longing for answers. He owns the fact that he feels downcast and disturbed, and spends time articulating his questions, griefs, and fears to God, but throughout the psalm he orients his heart to God. He charges his own heart to look to God in hope, and to anchor there. He doesn’t dismiss or neatly wrap up his struggles. Rather, he clings to God in light of them.
Take some time to reflect on your own life. When you feel discouraged is it easy or difficult to cling to God? Why is that? What would it look like to own your feelings without letting them sweep you away from anchoring in God? Spend some time with the bridge of this song:
Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about Your faithfulness
Let my pain reveal Your glory as my only real rest
Let my losses show me all I truly have is You
Cause all I truly have is You
What is difficult to pray honestly, from these lyrics? What touches your heart in these words? Talk with God about what comes up.