I Regress - The Show Ponies

scripture and prayer reflection

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Lyrics

So I tried to do my best

In a tattered wedding dress

And I'm telling you I'm blessed

But reluctant to confess

That I regress

I regress

And I'm telling you I'm saved

But still hold on to those days

While pretending I'm unscathed

I still sing the same refrain

But I regress

I regress

So I'm waiting on those words

That will make me want to turn

Against the patterns I have learned

Against the status I have earned

But I regress

I regress

As we're headed to that place

That dress gets whiter every day

Mend the tears and sew the lace

Calm my fears and show me grace

Or I regress

I regress

Grant me, Lord, what I can't afford

To be made right, to be restored

Take not thy spirit from my chest

Or I regress

Oh, draw me near

Or I regress

Isaiah 61:10

10 I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;

my soul shall exult in my God,

for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;

he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,

as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,

and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Revelation 19:6-8

6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah!

For the Lord our God

the Almighty reigns.

7 Let us rejoice and exult

and give him the glory,

for the marriage of the Lamb has come,

and his Bride has made herself ready;

8 it was granted her to clothe herself

with fine linen, bright and pure”—

for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

Psalm 51:7-12

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones that you have broken rejoice.

9 Hide your face from my sins,

and blot out all my iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit within me.

11 Cast me not away from your presence,

and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Reflection

Were our experience with God to be depicted on a graph, we might initially expect or imagine it to show a continually upward trend, to get steadily better and better. We learn and grow, we see more and more of who God is, and are excited and full of energy, eager to change sin patterns, eager to share the good news. We come to expect life with God to continue on exactly as it started, ever increasing in excitement and goodness.

At some point, though, we will inevitably be confronted by our own failure. Our excitement and passion for God’s word dwindles. We fall back into an old sin pattern that we thought we’d eradicated. We find pride waiting on the other side of spiritual accomplishments. We find ourselves clinging back onto something that we thought we’d already surrendered to God.

It can be tempting to hide our sin and our struggles, simply seeking to strive harder on our own with none the wiser. It can be embarrassing for others to see our failure. And the longer we continue on in our faith, the heavier this sense of embarrassment can become. After all, you might think, I’ve been following Jesus for a long time now. Shouldn’t I be past this kind of struggle?

But the reality is, struggling against sin is an ongoing battle, not something we eventually outgrow. When we experience victory in one area, another may rise to take center stage and a new fight begins. St. Teresa of Avila used the image of a garden to illustrate this. We run around, frantically trying to rip up the weeds, but they continue to grow back. Sometimes we think we’ve killed a weed only to see it pop its ugly little head up in some other location in the garden, and we realize its roots went far deeper than we thought.

The songwriters here wrestle with the courage it takes to be honest with others about struggles. It’s easier to pretend that everything is fine than to let others into the messy state of our heart. But the good news is that as we learn to be open and vulnerable, we can finally allow God’s care to penetrate into those dark, hidden places, mirrored in fellow believers who love and encourage us there. We can sit in the weeds with the Gardener who understands the plants, and work with Him to slowly uproot those that should not be there, in His timing. He is the one who is slowly cleaning and mending the wedding dress, reassuring us that His grace is still enough, that He will not leave us to ourselves.

Though painful, God surfaces things in His timing and for His purposes. Take some time to reflect on your life right now. What are areas of sin for you in this season? What is it that you’re looking for in this sin? What is it that God might be wanting to draw your attention to as you sit and look at what the root of this sin is? Talk with God about what comes up. Rest in His steady grace that covers sin.