scripture and prayer reflection
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Lyrics
Longing for some distant day
Far from all the ash
Our bodies will soon decay
Like the garden that we left
While I was searching for a feeling
You were searching for me
Circles are the perfect shape
To describe the hearts of man
As soon as he finds it near
It goes and comes back again
While I was searching for a feeling
You were searching for me
I heard you in the cool of day
Your voice shaking in the trees
I was afraid then of what you'd say
You clothed me
While I was searching for a feeling
You were searching for me
Genesis 3:8-10, 21
8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
21 And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.
Matthew 6:5-8
5 “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
7 “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Reflection
People do all sorts of things because they feel good. What is it that we’re looking for in doing good? What is it that we’re looking for when we come to God? Bernard of Clairvaux, a monk in the 12th century, described four different kinds of love, and in parsing out these different loves and different motivations he hit upon a key distinction that so often goes unnoticed.
Oftentimes we love and serve God primarily for what we get out of the deal - love of God, for our own sake. We obviously like and want the salvation He has to offer, but we also feel motivated by good feelings - the “spiritual high” many teenagers experience at summer camps, the feeling of being a good and generous person when helping someone in need, the sense of being attended to and cared for by God, the meditative feelings many seek after in times of musical worship.
These feelings aren’t a bad thing in and of themselves, certainly. Oftentimes they are lovely gifts from God in particular moments. The trouble comes, however, when feelings become the thing we are seeking rather than God Himself. We can so easily fall into the trap of chasing after positive feelings from God, rather than God Himself. This presents an interesting challenge, because it is often quite difficult to notice when our heart begins to shift to loving the gifts over the Giver. It is all too easy to conflate our attachment to the positive feelings we have around God-related-things with attachment to God.
God is worthy of our love regardless of how we feel - whether we get the “camp high”, whether our efforts to care for someone succeed in a way that makes us feel good or not, whether we feel His presence with us in our daily life or not, whether He gives us warm, fuzzy feelings in a time of worship or not. The reality is that He is still present, still loving, still attentive, still holy, still powerful, still good, even in dry and desert seasons. In fact, He often uses barren seasons to grow us in ways that we cannot grow when we feel overflowing with positivity and satisfaction. It is only in the lack that the gifts are set aside enough to see what is our love, attachment, and desire for the Giver on His own merit.
Even when we find we have been chasing after feeling secure, loved, happy, rather than after God Himself, the good news is that God still pursues us. He is not far off, waiting for us to shape up. As with Adam and Eve hiding in the garden, He comes to where we are.
Take some time to reflect on your own life. What good things or feelings are you prone to seek after instead of God? When you’re in dry seasons, what do you tend to feel about God, about the dryness, about following His commands? What do your feelings reveal about what your heart is most attached to? Talk with God about what comes up. Rest in the fact that He is already with you, even when you get sidetracked.
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