scripture and prayer reflection
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Lyrics
When I look into the face
Of my enemy
I see my brother
I see my brother
Forgiveness is the garment
Of our courage
The power to make the peace
We long to know
Open up our eyes
To see the wounds that bind
All of humankind
May our shutter hearts
Greet the dawn of life
With charity and love
When I look into the face
Of my enemy
I see my brother
I see my brother
I see them
I see my brother
I see my sister
I see my father
I see my mother
When I look into the face
Of my enemy
I see my brother
I see my brother
Romans 12:14-21
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Matthew 18:23-35
23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.
31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Reflection
Forgiveness can be a tricky business. Forgiveness is not saying that something was good and fine when it was actually wrong. Forgiveness assumes that something was wrong, or else it would not be necessary. Some view it as a one-time choice that has nothing to do with feelings. Others view it as completely dependent on feelings, making it seem practically impossible to achieve in situations of deep pain.
A helpful alternate framework for forgiveness that I came across a few years back compares the process of forgiveness to the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining/resistance, depression, acceptance)*. It would be nice to think that we progress steadily through these stages, moving ever forward. As with grief, however, it is often much messier than that. We travel back and forth between stages more fluidly - one day we may feel we have finally worked through the anger, bitterness, and self-pity to a place of forgiveness, only to find that the next week we are hit with another wave of wrestling through indignation over our injury yet again.
Forgiveness is, in part, a choice. But it is not a one-time choice that is uninfluenced by our feelings. It is also not simply a matter only of how I feel - transitory and elusive. It is a choice we must return to again and again as we work through the feelings that come along with our sense of having been wronged. Depending on the depth of the offense, this can present a straightforward or much more complicated challenge. As the singer reflects, it requires a good deal of courage to take on the task of forgiveness.
Our desire as God’s children is to learn to live, think, act, feel as He does. Each human being in this world is a uniquely made image bearer that He created, no matter how marred the image has become through evil choices. His heart is as much for their good as it is for ours. We bear His love and interest in common. But there is more than that.
There is also a common wound which we bear in our sin. We are all, in a sense, brothers - both in bearing God’s image, and also in bearing the destructive effects of sin. We all bear the effects of the Fall. It can be tempting in our hurt to vilify the other party - to cast all blame on them, to see them as all bad and ourselves as all good. But that loses track of the darkness that lurks in our own souls.
We too are self-seeking at times.
We too choose wrongly at times.
We too hurt others without even realizing what we have done at times.
Jesus’ parable of the unforgiving servant clearly demonstrates how blind we are when we gratefully accept mercy for our own failings, but refuse to extend that same mercy to others.
Take some time to reflect on forgiveness in your own life. Who are you struggling to forgive? What past wrongs have been difficult to forgive? Where do grudges still hold strong? What is it that makes it hard to forgive these wrongs? Why is that? Sit with the parable of the unforgiving steward above, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you to see the other party as a brother rather than an enemy. Talk with God about what comes up.
*Vitz, Paul C. Kernbergian Psychodynamics and Religious Aspects of the Forgiveness Process, Journal of Psychology and Theology, 1997, Vol. 25, No. 1, 72-80.
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